Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
