u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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