How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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