Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
