I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
