1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
