a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
