He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
A+ Viking dick
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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