I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
