If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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