It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
