You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
