The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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