I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
