Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
