There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
