You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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