I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Still dying that you shit outside
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sext me about skeletons
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
