that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
