I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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