i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
