I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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