You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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