I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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