Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This baby is an asshole
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
