I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
