the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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