I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
