At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
