So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
