Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize