so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He did a backflip because drugs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
