My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
