Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
