the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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