what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
