no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
