those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
