He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
