your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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