well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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