Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
