so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
