Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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