I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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