dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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