nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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