I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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