i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
