Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
