I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
