this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
