i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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