Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
