if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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