Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
