Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
