I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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