Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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