He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
