Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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