I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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