She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
