i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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