She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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