Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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