He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize