I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
