Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
