So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
