Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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