she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
