It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
